SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I do see this point made often though, as if to say: 'You may as well reconcile with a cheater. You have zero way of knowing your next partner won't do the same.

I see 'always D' voices paint pictures of people easily finding faithful partners if they leave their WSes. The General Social Survey indicates that 1 in 4 men have cheated and something like 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 or 1 in 6 women have cheated. So finding a new partner who will be faithful isn't a slam dunk. Hell, finding a new partner of any sort isn't a slam dunk.

That's very different from asserting that a BS should therefore R. That's jumping to a conclusion that simply isn't supported. I don't see that, though I don't spend much time on social media. The only other fora I've seen on healing from infidelity are pretty low quality, IMO, though every so often a post surprises me with its humanity.

I think a lot of people make bad assumptions about what certain sentences mean.

IMO, it's dumb to split because one thinks finding a new forever-faithful partner is easy. But that is not saying that one should R because finding a good partner is difficult.

As Bigger says, the only reason to R is that both people want to R. I add 'and will do the work.'

In fact, I think virtually all the SI voices that have R'ed would say that fearing being alone is usually a lousy reason to R.

Congratulations DRSOOLERS! I wish you and your wife a long and happy marriage, full of joyful moments and the chance to grow together.

I think some people are responding to the phrasing of "why you need to fix your picker." It sounds like you know better than they do how to run their lives and it can sound abrasive. If my husband were to read this post, he might respond with his story. His mother committed terrible infidelity when he was growing up which negatively impacted his life in huge ways. This background formed a core purpose in his life, to find a broken woman and prove that he can fix her. That sounds like a set up for a disaster, for a messed up life, but in fact, that is what happened for him, and he loves the entire story of his life, including the very jagged parts. He feels like a hero. It would be obviously wrong to prescribe this approach to others! But I think you'll find among betrayed spouses some for whom the most important part of their story is a sense of pride - more than pride, a fulfilled important purpose in their life - that they kept their family together, helped to heal their spouse, and made something beautiful out of something gross. There are people who are not disgusted or turned off by their spouse's debasement of their body with another debauched person, which I think is hard to understand and believe for people who are fundamentally disgusted by that. Imagine saying to my husband "you need to fix your picker." He's not the kind of guy who would get angry at that (you have seen people who get angry on this thread and other places), but he would set you aside as someone who doesn't understand him at all and discount your opinions as he would think you discount his. I think that is a fair representation of how he would respond to your post and I hope that you can adjust your posts to include that kind of person, so they do not perceive that they are being told by you how to run their lives when they are content with their choices.

Jane Austen is hilarious! Mr. Collins!