SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Our 7 year anniversary came around in September, and all I got was a smile and a hug in the morning, and absolutely nothing all weekend long (he had to pick up his 8 year old daughter) and just never even made an effort for even a card. I was upset so on the Sunday of the weekend, I looked at his phone and just had to find another deleted message thread on Instagram (one single message from a woman with no other messages or context) calling him sexy in Portuguese (he's from Brazil). Confronted him and got the usual run around excuses "I dont know why she sent that!?" and I just told him enough was enough. Long story short, he went on a work trip, and I have good reason to believe he cheated again.

We filed for divorce on October 6th, but it wont be finalized until April 4th for the cooling off period. We share one daughter together who is almost 3 (the original cheating -that I know of- happened when she was 3 months and 6 months old).

I dont understand how a MAN can do that to his wife and baby daughter (and his older daughter too!) This is the kind of man we wish our daughters never find... and how he has been able to just lie until I had proof and gaslight is some kind of evil... my therapist said he's a textbook sociopath.

So because our divorce won't be final for months, and he is in the military and may go on deployments, I am not in a rush to leave the house. I am planning on finding my own space closer to the end, and also so the child/spouse support is organized and I wont have to worry. We are friendly in the house, besides cheating and lying, he is a very kind person, no anger, no abuse, nothing.

If anyone else here cohabitated for some time until divorce was, how did you survive it? I have been taking my daughter to my parents house for a night a week and am currently out on a little trip with her now (everything he knows, agrees, and actually helped pay for). I found an IC but have not started yet, has been so difficult to find and schedule. I'd love to hear more stories about how to get through this without feeling the need to cry or scream into the void at any moment

Screaming and crying into the void are part of the process. :D

As for in-house separation, I did that for a couple months (before we'd filed for divorce). It's not easy! Separate bedrooms for a start - sleep in your child's room if you have to. Can you do longer stays at your parents' house, maybe a week there and a week at your house?

April probably seems very far away, but grit your teeth and focus on what you can do to focus on the future. Start shopping for a new place to live. Think about what furniture you want, what items to take from the house, and so on. You can also start doing the things to separate finances that you'll have to do eventually, like getting your own bank accounts and credit cards, separating things like cell phone bills and subscriptions. The more you can do to feel independent of him, the easier it will be.

Stay strong and hang in there!

I didn’t do IHS, but many have reported how hard it is. But since you have no choice, just keep reminding yourself it is not for that long (even if it feels like it), and focus on you and your kids and your futures. Projects can help fill the time- big spring cleaning, house hunting, new hobbies, etc. will all help fill the time and fill your soul. Get your budget planned and pick what neighborhood you want and see what is available. And make "not my monkeys, not my circus" your mantra when he is doing whatever it is he is doing.

It’s a difficult weird time for sure but the end of this will be here soon enough. You are showing great strength. You got this!

"Not my Monkeys, not my Circus" should be my new song, this morning when I arrived back home from the quick trip, there was a fucking used condom on the floor in the 'kids' room where he has been sleeping. I was literally gone with our daughter for 2 nights... the audacity. This man is mental. Like literally if it wasn't bad enough, I didn't need this!

That being said, the house hunting will be sped up, or the military can find somewhere on base for him to stay. I am going to his CO and to the legal help on Monday, because I just am NOT ready for all of the financial responsibilities. Screaming, crying, trying not to vomit into the void

I have no idea if it’s like that, but betrayers are likely traitors give. The opportunity, you wouldn’t want one in your team at work. You would even less in an army.

The kind of profile that you would like to avoid in any situation where trust and accountability is to be involved, including professional.

Now it is not about you, this person is broken and you are just a perfectly normal woman who he is exploiting and abusing to soothe his brokenness and worthlessness by cheating on you.

Your daughter? She doesn’t matter either.

Words are wind when not backed up by choices.

He betrays you, your daughter, whomever is close to him will be too, is just a matter of time and opportunity.

Leave this guy lost in his personal hell. He can’t love you because he isn’t capable of even loving himself.

Hedonism and infidelity are a strong teller of emptiness.

He is not worthy the time he occupies in your thoughts.
Put yourself first, and get the garbage out of your life as soon as you can.